That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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