Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize