I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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