you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
