Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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