My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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