My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish there were birth control emojis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
