Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
