your parents love me but you hate me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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