I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
