whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
