Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
