Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
