literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've blown a few things in my day
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
