tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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