I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
