i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
