just come out here and I will go home with you...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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