I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
