Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
