my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My life is pants optional.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
