After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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