but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
