He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is Oprah even human
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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