At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
