Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize