I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
