I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
