I think I died a long time ago.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
