Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize