By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
