Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
