Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize