That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
