Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
