Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
