i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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