im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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