Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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