I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
