just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The Olympian is in my bed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
