i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
