Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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