I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
