I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
