So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
