she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
