Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
