you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
