Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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