Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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