The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
