no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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