happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize