This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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