Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
