So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
