I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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