I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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