Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
