My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
