We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
