My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
