Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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