There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
