you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
