i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
