Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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