You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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