News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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