omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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