Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
