Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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