If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
