How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
