If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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