ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's like iHOP with fire
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
