Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
