dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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