Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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