If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
