I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
