Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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