Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
