I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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