apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
