im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
