It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You pole danced in your parka.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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