Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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