I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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