I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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