apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize