Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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