I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
