Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
