I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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