The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
