so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
