Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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