There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
